Regarding the video/documentary we watched yesterday, first of all, I want to open my own sex therapy center. Anyone in?? :) But anyway, I was inspired by many of the interventions used with each couple. One that particularly stood out to me was the one where each partner labeled the main places they like their partner to touch during an encounter. After both partners labeled the body, the clinician overlapped both drawings to see if they matched. I would love to do something like this with couples; I have found that many couples I have worked with are visual learners and learn a lot (and are VERY interested in) seeing things drawn out. I thought it was very meaningful that the couples began to discuss in detail how their sexual histories may still have an effect on their current sex lives. These were eyeopening and important conversations for each couple to have. It was funny to me how one of the couples, when asked to discuss their fantasies, ended up having exactly the same fantasy (which they had never known before). This just stresses the importance of discussing the underlying meanings of sex and intimacy with couples. It is not just an act of pleasure, it is a means of feeling wanted, attractive, loved, cared for, trusted, and the list goes on. I have seen many couples who never had discussed these things before or knew that such things could be interconnected.

I am not sure that giving the couples cheesy props was the most useful intervention. Sure, it was playful and gave viewers a laugh, but as we discussed in class yesterday, you cannot simply add lingerie to the equation and expect all sexual problems to fade away. I think it would have been more helpful to instruct the couples to have a deeper discussion at home regarding their fantasies and seeing if they were comfortable trying one. Or simply just talking about turn ons or when each partner feels most wanted. I think strengthening the foundation upon which couples feel comfortable sharing their needs and wants, will then increase their comfort level to later add sexy props or toys to the equation (if that is something they'd like to do). I don't think it is as useful to force these things upon them in order to add another awkward and uncomfortable encounter to their lives. It was, however, useful in my opinion to have the couples visit the erotica store together to look at different products. I would have even asked them to pick one or two products they were interested in and have them use those. I feel it is far more effective to see couples come to their own conclusions together.

I absolutely LOVED the "surrender" date idea, especially because the female of the couple had a fantasy of being dominated. I thought it worked out beautifully for this particular couple, probably because they were the best couple ever! I can see how it would be tough for some people to give up that much of the control over the situation, but for a couple with similar preferences to this one I think it would be such an amazing idea. They both ended up loving it. As I said before, couples in my experience are hands-on learners. They learned by first having thoughtful conversations, diagrams, drawings, etc.. and later by actions. I don't think forceful directives are always necessary, depending on the situations (such as giving them the props). I liked the delivery of explaining the surrender date, and he was able to make of it what he felt comfortable with and what he thought his partner would enjoy. This way, she knew that the date was all HIS idea for her, not an event planned by the couple's therapist.

Overall, I felt as though that the week experience was quite enlightening for the three couples. They learned a lot about one another and were able to share some difficult things and meanings behind the sexual difficulties they were each having. The couples were forced at times out of their comfort zones, and if interventions did not go as planned they were able to talk about it the next day with their clinician. This must be one of the most helpful components. Clients we see may have a bad experience or encounter the same night after our session-and then have to wait a week before processing it and discussing what didn't work/why things were uncomfortable.

Based on our readings, I feel like the interventions fit some concepts such as the Quantum Model. There was much focus on the physical aspect and their bodies, however they did delve into some underlying vulnerabilities and insecurities the couples had. I would add more of a differentiation piece based on the work of Schnarch and the Perel talk we watched. They emphasize the importance of understanding our own needs separate from our partner and, as Perel discussed, discovering our intrapersonal erotic spaces. Each of the people in the video had many personal insecurities that were based on their relationship and triggered by pieces of the couple's intimacy patterns. It is definitely important to discuss the root of these insecurities, because it was emerged throughout the video how many of them began far earlier than their relationships started. I would focus on this equally or even moreso than the physical piece, again to increase that foundation I had discussed earlier.

This was posted yesterday on Cosmo's website! Interesting perspective that touches on many of the things we've discussed in class thus far:

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a36963/how-i-became-a-sex-educator/

Hello! I am in my final semester of URI's Couple and Family Therapy graduate program. Having worked closely with victims of domestic violence and their children in the past, my research interests include trauma and how witnesses of psychological and physical abuse (children especially) develop into adulthood. I am also interested specifically on how victims of sexual assault or abuse in childhood/adolescence take charge of their sexuality and how they learn to understand it. I am excited to learn more about how sexuality and how to address it systemically with couples and other clients. I consider myself to be very in tune with my sexuality and quite open about it, but it is so interesting to me how a number of my clients and friends, across all age groups and cultures, are confused sexually or still on a journey discovering their sexual selves. We're all human; we learn more about ourselves every day through our experiences-bad and good. I find that what differs amongst all of us is how some of us choose to face our experiences head-on or, on the other hand, choose to shut them out and pack them away. For example, take two young men who were both sexually assaulted at the age of 14. One of the men decides to participate in social movements for victims of sexual assault in the coming years, speaks publicly, writes a tell-all book about his experience and overcoming of the event. The other male keeps his story to himself except a private journal that he writes in when the memory floods him. He changes the channel when a parade for victims of assault is being documented on the nightly news. He feels better avoiding the constant reminders of what happened to him and says to his close friends that he just wants to live and not let his story define him. Are either of these men coping in the "right" way? Are either of the men going to feel more comfortable in consensual sexual experiences with partners in their future? No, and we would probably need much more information about the men to make more of a determination about how they have coped, or if their choices of coping are working for them. My point is that it is so interesting to see how people who go through the same stuff make their own route to getting past whatever the experience was. Excited to discuss things like this with all of you this semester!